


The Epic Tale of Cat and Cami

by PansexualPancakes



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Cat and Cami Palmer, Fluff, M/M, cecilos kids, later appearance of Carlos' family, they just magically appeared
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-20
Updated: 2015-09-21
Packaged: 2018-04-22 12:24:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4835237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PansexualPancakes/pseuds/PansexualPancakes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Honestly, all Carlos wanted was no more surprises. </p>
<p>What he got was two pre-teen girls that the City Council claimed were his daughters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Appearance of Cat and Cami

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh!!! New story!!!  
> This has been in my mind for about a week and I'm just now writing it, wow okay.  
> Enjoy.

Carlos was done. 

He didn't want anymore surprises, the goat attack today had been enough. Luckily, the goats had been defeated with the traditional method of spray-painting each goat purple, then using a refined bloodstone circle technique and a loaf of wheat and wheat by-product free bread to perform a complicated and ancient ritual. 

Overall, this had been a tiring day. Carlos wanted nothing more to go home, lay on the couch, listen to Cecil's show when it came on, and just relax. 

He didn't want any surprises. 

Nothing at all. 

No more surprises today. 

Which is why, quite obviously, he wasn't too happy to find a pair of pre-teen girls lounging around on the couch. 

"Who are you and what the heck are you doing in my house?" Carlos half yelled, half muttered to himself. 

"Mm?" One of the girls glanced up. She had smooth olive skin and bouncy chocolate brown curls that fell nearly to her waist. She was wearing a lavender t-shirt with a deep blue glittery mini-vest over it, blue jeans, and talk black boots. Her eyes gleamed a strange, mischievous, lavender. They reminded Carlos of something, but he was too tired and annoyed to put any more thought to it. 

"I said 'who are you, and what the heck are you doing in my house'?" Carlos repeated, gritting his teeth together. 

The other girl shrugged. "Dunno, we kinda just showed up." Though she shared the first girl's facial features and olive skin, the similarities stopped there. She was taller by a few inches (two or three, maybe), and her hair was a shockingly pale blonde, cut neatly in a stylish bob with sharply angled edges and bangs. She was sporting a simple pale blue sundress and green flip-flops. Her eyes were a deep amber, sparkling in the light. 

"What?" Carlos had to admit Night Vale was weird, but randomly appearing pre-teens without any recollection of why they were there themselves was on a whole new level. 

"Oh, and we also have this note." The dark-haired girl added, waving a cream-colored envelope with a blood-red wax seal and messy scrawling in what appeared to be blood on the back.

Knowing Night Vale, it probably was blood. 

"Give me that." Carlos grabbed the note out of the girl's hand and looked at the blood scrawling, which read, fairly legibly, 'Carlos & Cecil'. 

Carlos bit his lip. It was possible these random girls were just messengers, judging by the seal on the envelope, it was from the City Council. 

Sighing, he ripped open the note, and, ignoring the several snakes the slithered out (which were harmless and definitely shouldn't have been able to fit in there), pulled out the letter enclosed. He began to read. 

_Dear Carlos and Cecil,_

_It has come to our attention that you are officially a responsible couple. (Well, at least one-half responsible.)_

Carlos rolled his eyes, laughed quietly, and continued. 

_This is why we see reason that you can be trusted with children._

If Carlos had been drinking something, he would have spit it out. His eyes shifted to the girls on the couch, who were now engaged in an over-dramatized thumb war, then back to the letter. 

_In short, we have left you two eleven year old girls to raise as your own. Also, when they were brought into existence, we mixed your DNA anyway, so they're technically yours, family resemblance, etc._

Yet another time, Carlos would've spit out his drink if he'd been drinking anything. After another glance, he had to admit the two girls did share a bit if resemblance to him and Cecil. The blonde girl's hair was just a few shades darker than Cecil's, and her amber eyes reminded Carlos of his own. The opposite could be said for the dark haired girl. Carlos realized that was why he had recognized her lavender eyes, they matched Cecil's own strange irises perfectly. 

Gulping, he finished the letter. 

_In case you're wondering, they're twins, and they're both eleven. When school starts again, they'll be going into sixth grade._

_Also, remember to take caution around schools at all times._

_We left you the fun of naming them! And it totally isn't because we have no inspiration at all these days, that's ridiculous._

_Enjoy!_

_Sincerely and Secretly,  
The City Council _

Carlos gaped at the letter, then stared at the two girls on the couch, who were now exchanging worried glances and looking back at him. Carlos probably would've exploded if not for the door opening. 

"Carlos, I'm home!" Cecil called from the doorway. 

Carlos turned his head to see Cecil looking past him at the girls. 

"Who're they?" Cecil asked, cocking his head to the side. 

"Uh..." Carlos was at a loss for words, so he simply handed Cecil the letter. 

Cecil scanned it, his eyes moving back and forth as he read, and then he broke into a grin. "Oh my gosh, Carlos! This is so exciting!"

"Cecil, this isn't exciting!" Carlos argued. "It's confusing! You never told me this could happen, and-"

"And I thought you knew!" Cecil interrupted. "Did your City Council not do this where you're from?"

"Cecil, how many times do I have to..." Carlos sighed. "No. They didn't." 

"Hm, weird." Cecil shrugged. "Well, it certainly happened." Then he grinned. "Oh Carlos, we get to name them!"

"Cecil, we aren't-" Carlos began, but Cecil was already in the living room, grinning at the girls. 

"Hi!" Cecil said, still grinning madly. "Guess what? The City Council has sent you to us to be our children, so we're your parents! Isn't that fun?"

Carlos rolled his eyes, and he noticed the blonde girl doing so as well, but the dark haired girl just seemed disinterested. At first. 

"Cool." She said after a second of consideration. "That makes a lot more sense than having amnesia."

Actually, it didn't, but Carlos wasn't about to object. 

"Oh, names, names, names!" Cecil exclaimed, practically exploding with joy. He looked down at the blonde girl. "Hm. I think we'll call you...Cat!"

"Mm, sure." Cat shrugged. "Cat's a cool name." She smiled. "You seem cool too."

"Ooh, thanks!" Cecil grinned then looked at Carlos. "Carlos, you should name the other one."

Carlos' mind was still feeling, but he nodded and came over. "Uh..." 

The girl blinked up at her with his bright lavender eyes and Carlos just blurted out a name. It felt right. 

"Camille." He said suddenly. 

"Hey, that's cool." Camille nodded, smiling slightly. "But if it's alright, could you call me Cami? It rolls off the tongue a bit easier. No offense or anything."

"I-yeah." Carlos wasn't really offended. She had a point, Cami was a bit more fitting. 

"Aw, Cat and Cami!" Cecil gushed, obviously overflowing with pride.

"This is still weird." Carlos rolled his eyes. 

"I'm with you." Cat muttered, and Cami just shrugged. 

"I guess I'm making enchiladas for four instead of two tonight..." Carlos muttered, wandering towards the kitchen. 

His strictly 'no more surprises' day had gotten pretty surprising.


	2. Of Toast and Football

"Wake up. Right now. Please. Or I'll assume you're dead."

Carlos squirmed in bed and blinked open his eyes to see a girl standing over him. He was confused for a couple seconds before he realized it was Cami. 

Of course. How could he forget?

He glanced at the clock. It read 6:45. But then again, clocks in Night Vale weren't too reliable. But it _was_ still a bit dark out, so Carlos knew it was early. 

"Cami, why are you waking me up so early?" He half spoke, half whispered, then yawned. 

"Well," Cami began, and Carlos could already tell she was going to rant. "I woke up really really early this morning and then daddy was leaving for work already." (Cat and Cami had agreed at some point during dinner that to avoid confusion, they were going to call Carlos "dad" and Cecil "daddy". Carlos was still retuning to wrap his head around suddenly having preteen daughters.) "So I asked him where he was going, and he said that there's a football game this morning at seven thirty, and we're playing a mysterious unnamed team composed entirely of shadow figures, and they're the best team in our league, so he has to go to work early to do pre-game reporting and all that. So I asked if we could go to the game, because football seems cool, and he said that he had to work and I should ask you, but give you a couple minutes because you need sleep." She grinned. "So I gave you two minutes!" 

Carlos sighed and squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them again. "You are aware that 'a couple minutes' doesn't always mean 'two minutes', right?"

"Of course I am, silly!" Cami giggled. 

"Is your sister even awake yet?" Carlos sighed, sitting up.

"Nnnnnope!" Cami replied, drawing out the 'n' way too long. 

Carlos sighed again. "Right. Just...go wake her up, and...we can go to the game."

"Yay!" Cami cheered, running out of the room and opening some random closets. 

Carlos and Cecil had decided to have Cat and Cami sleep in the strange guest room that moved between all the closets in the small house, making getting in a bit tough. 

Cami finally located a closet containing the guest room at this point in time and slipped in, closing the door behind her.

Carlos, muttering to himself about how he didn't understand how anyone could survive more than a day of kids. 

He slipped on a comfy deep blue flannel shirt and jeans, and slipped into a pair of ratty flip-flops, too tired to even care what shoes he was wearing. 

He walked out into the hall, and down to the kitchen. He warily turned on the toaster, and it didn't growl, which was good. He put in two pieces of wheat and wheat by-product free bread (it was rice flour, and it didn't taste half bad), and waited. It popped out, and at the same time, Cami walked in, practically pulling Cat behind her. 

"Morning." Cat muttered, still blinking sleep out of her eyes. 

"Morning." Carlos replied, pulling out two plates from a cupboard and putting one toasted slice on each, then he slid one last slice of the rice flour bread into the toaster, and finally went to butter the other two. 

"Do you two want peanut butter or jam from some unknown berry?" Carlos asked, removing his own toast and plating it as he did. 

"Jam." Cat replied. 

"How about both?" Cami asked, smiling like she'd just won a million bucks. 

"Right. I can do that." Carlos nodded and buttered his slice, then put the mystery jam on all three, and peanut butter on his and Cami's. He handed Cat and Cami their slices and bit into his own. The peanut butter was nice and creamy and the jam didn't taste like death this time, so he considered it a success. 

"Mmm, 'is 's illy ood." Cami said through her food. 

Carlos would've told her not to talk with food in her mouth, but his own mouth was full, and he didn't want to be a hypocrite, so he just smiled and nodded. 

Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all. 

~•~

"I take it back." Carlos muttered to himself, sandwiched between Cat, busily rambling about around one hundred different plays that would be useful and why that one so obviously wasn't, and Cami, who was screaming and cheering loudly after every play whether it was good or not. 

"Now, if we passed down the field to the right, we would've had an open window for an easy touchdown, but if we passed to the left," Cat huffed angrily, " _which we did_ , then it was an easy interception for our mysterious opponents. And an easy touchdown for them as well. Overall, our team isn't very good."

After a bit of explanation, Cat had quickly caught onto the game, while, though she possessed a basic understanding of touchdowns and field goals, Cami mostly just enjoyed cheering. 

The game reached halftime and Cami sat down for the first time the entire game, grinning wildly. 

She turned Carlos. "Are we winning?"

"No, we're losing 43-8." Carlos sighed. "And it's only halfway through the game." 

"I say we go home." Cat suggested. "We have a terrible team."

"Aw, but cheering!" Cami whined, giving Carlos the biggest kitten eyes possible, lavender irises glittering in the early morning light. 

Luckily, after trusting Khoshekh's kitten eyes once, Carlos knew kitten eyes led to bad things. 

Very bad things. 

"Tell you what." He said. "We can listen to the game over the radio at home, and you can cheer then."

"Okie dokie!" Cami agreed, springing up and sprinting past the rows of chairs and exiting the stadium. 

Cat and Carlos didn't even try to go after her. 

After the short drive home, Carlos turned on the radio and grinned as Cami shrieked loudly before being quiet so she could hear. His plan to force the energetic girl to stay quiet by forcing her to do so to hear the game had worked. 

"And a surprising touchdown by the shadow team!" Cecil's voice flooded from the radio. "Now, I don't know about you, listeners, but I think we should declare a blood feud. We can't come back very easily otherwise, and even though we could lose all our points if the maneuver fails, we get all the shadow team's points if it works! And what do we have to lose? Well, our limbs, and I suppose the rest of our body. All of our worldly possessions. Our pets. Our children. Our souls." Cecil's eye roll could almost be heard over the radio. "But hey, you only have to lose all that if you were born on February 29th! To those of you who are...well, you only have a birthday every four years, so you only have a quarter of a soul to lose anyway. Um...station management seems upset, I-oh, really? Really. Thanks. Intern Ariel had informed me that I should get back to the game. So...while I was talking, the shadow team has scored three more touchdowns and a field goal."

Cami shrieked with joy, not understanding that that was bad. 

Cat complained about how it was impossible to score so much in so little time. 

"Did we even get possession of the ball?"

Carlos smiled, just a little. 

Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all. 

And this time he meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun facts about this chapter:  
> • as other huge Seahawks fans may know, 43-8 was the final score of Super Bowl 48. GO HAWKS!  
> • Ariel is my girlfriend's name. Idk why she's an intern. Don't ask me.   
> \---  
> Next chapter: A phone call goes just slightly wrong. Just slightly!

**Author's Note:**

> Yay?  
> Cat kind of reminds me of myself but we look very different and I would never wear a dress so  
> Oh well. 
> 
> I hope you're enjoying this crap!


End file.
